Life Without Toilet Paper

After the coronavirus grabbed everyone’s attention, my first question was, “Is diarrhea a symptom of COVID 19?”  No?  Then WTH?

Throughout history, when a pandemic struck, or war or famine, people worried about shortages of food, water, medicine, or even blankets.  Here in 2020 America, we are scared shitless (pun intended) of running out of TOILET PAPER?

I wonder if it’s all a symptom of raising kids who have never wanted for anything, and I mean anything.  Kids who refuse to sit in the car without NetFlix or their preferred mode of texting or at least an X-Box.  Who refuse to learn how to cook fish over a fire at camp and want to know why they can’t just order pizza . . . delivered.  Kids who want to go to the store and buy more clothes if the washer breaks down.  People who call off work because their car broke down and taking the bus requires them to get out of bed half an hour earlier, and that’s obviously cruel and unusual.

And saying this is all a symptom of my age, I’m sure.  I walked miles to school, only got three gifts for Christmas and made them last a year, blah, blah, blah.  Actually we boomers had it pretty good.  Good enough to spend our time getting politically involved and making a nuisance of ourselves.  But we did care about someone other than ourselves.  Okay, when Mom told us about the “poor children in Africa”, we suggested sending our leftover broccoli casserole, but still, sometimes I think we hippies took the concept “share” to another level.

My mother also told me of shortages during World War II.  Women wore shorter skirts and drew lines up the back of their bare legs to simulate nylon stockings.  When things got tougher, they worked out how to grow food in backyards and take it to people who didn’t have a backyard.  After it was over, the American government dropped food (and toilet paper?) to the people we’d defeated.  Thirty years later my friends and I packed up stuff like toilet paper and sent it to soldiers in Vietnam.  And then did it again for soldiers in Kuwait.

It’s hard not to throw my hands up in despair.  What on earth do today’s Americans think they’re going to do if there are ever any real shortages?  This isn’t World War III, kids, but if it ever comes to that, I don’t think I’ll want to depend on people who absolutely can’t imagine life without toilet paper.